This happens:
Yes, my curious companions, it appears somewhat as if someone replaced my intestines with the leftover grease from frying up 5 lbs. of ground beef. Yes, even the toilet paper was greasy. In fact, so oily it worked like a Pam-like prophylactic as I wiped; it greased my bum so well that there was nothing else to wipe off. It didn't hurt. It was explosive. It continued to be explosive through out the day.
So, in the end, I might be afraid to venture outside after eating, but it certainly made that Chinese food less deadly to my svelte hips.
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Yours Truly,
Your Very Twisted Mistress
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